Ashley,
Wow. Where to start? It’s another Thursday morning, 8 a.m., that I’m not sitting in that comfy leather chair, holding a pillow across my lap, speaking with you.
What’s it been…? Like, 8 Thursdays? 8 Thursdays for me to finally gather my thoughts, my thanks, and my gratitude.
Just yesterday, I read a friend’s blog and she said, “…but here’s the thing that no one tells you when you start going to therapy, therapy is only effective if you connect with and trust your therapist.”
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
As I’ve told you before, for the first three years of college, I saw the same therapist. My reasons for coming to therapy were ever-changing. I believe that she was probably what I needed at the time, but she was consistent about maintaining a very distant client / therapist relationship. As someone who naturally seeks connection with everyone I meet, I found this portion of therapy to be particularly difficult.
After coming back to school for the start of senior year, I knew that I needed counseling back in my life. With the new year, came a new therapist, as my previous one had moved on. I had my intake with a nice woman…I cried the whole damn time & at the end, it didn’t seem like a perfect fit, but I really didn’t want to start over…again.
In the end, starting over was the beginning of an incredible year of growth. From our first appointment, everything clicked. You did more than just listen, you made a connection.
I know that you mentioned that every client / therapist relationship is different, but I am SO glad that I was assigned to you. Call it matching schedules, call it fate, call it what ya want, it was what I needed.
You allowed me to laugh, cry, acknowledge but not dwell in guilt, encouraged me forward, and applauded my progress. Whenever something was going on, whether shit was hitting the fan or I’d found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you were on my 5 person deep list of people that I wanted to share my trials and successes with.
Never have I benefitted or grown so much during therapy as I did the past year.
I appreciated the moments at the end of our sessions where you would allow me to ask questions about your life. It wasn’t ever a spoken agreement, but even though it isn’t my job to be observant, I wanted to be able to share your joy & allow you to share it too. Like the time that I thought that you had gotten engaged, but you were just wearing your fancier band?
Or even haircuts, weekend trips, and swapped recipes…you left an impression on me.
In our last school provided sessions, I remember asking if I could pay to keep seeing you every week for the remainder of the school year. We had 5 or so weeks left and amidst all of the transition, I knew that I didn’t want to emotionally compartmentalize saying goodbye.
But I got lucky.
Thanks for choosing me as your long term leach…I mean, patient / client. 🙂
In our second to last session, I remember crying pretty hard about it all coming to a close. It’s so hard to think about saying goodbye to a person who knows and was involved in every portion of life for 8 months.
Essentially, I was mourning the end of Thursday mornings.
And then it was the last session. We were done — I was graduating from CAPS.
I think one of the truest forms of connection is learning.
You said, “I wore my dark lipstick today because it reminded me of the day you came in here with dark lipstick just because it made you feel good.”
Or when you started making little energy balls with your husband because of me talking about them.
Or when I rambled about Korean skincare videos on Youtube, snail secretion face essence and sent you the video via email. I hope you’re still working that FLAW LESS skin girl. You know that we love a lazy girl hack.
I think it goes back to saying that we need a therapist that we can connect with and trust. You were both for me. Even though what I was in therapy for may not seem as prudent or necessary as others, I urge everyone to try to find their own Ashley — someone who will listen with an empathetic heart, open mind, calm presence, and human practice.
This last year of college would’ve been incredibly different without our Thursday morning sessions. I would be different without you.
Alright, I think this is enough feelings for now.
You rock, life is better because of you and the work you do, and I appreciate you.