YO, I am scared as hellllllll.
I’ve spent the greater portion of the last 2 years telling anyone who would listen, to catch me out West ASAP post graduation. I wanted to escape as quickly as I could. I mean, I bought the damn t-shirt for Pete’s sake.
Pretty nice t-shirt too, right? Right.
After my stint in Palm Springs where I wholeheartedly considered dropping out of college & never leaving the Golden state, here we are…10 days from walking across the stage, and I will not be heading West.
Moving West has been all sorts of alluring to me for awhile. When in a relationship and having expressed moving, I think that I was running away from someone else telling me what I could or couldn’t do with my life. I was running from someone else having a say in the future that I was going to lead. I definitely had my, “I’m an independent woman and don’t need no man,” facade on. And it worked…for some time.
It’s funny how we can assume that we know everything that is going to happen with our perceived “next step”. It’s laughable that everything I’ve said for the past two years is the complete OPPOSITE of what is happening in my life right now.
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So, in honor of leaping, jumping, dancing, and stepping forward, I’ve accepted an offer in Boston as a Junior Designer at Red Thread, a Steelcase dealership.
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I know what you’re thinking…Miss. “I need the sunshine” is headed to a climate pretty similar, if not colder than Michigan? “GURLLLLL, you crazy!”…I mean, I AM crazy, you aren’t wrong, but when opportunity falls into your lap, you must at least approach it with an open heart and head, and give it a chance.
And give it a chance I did — it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine though — this stuff is HARD.
After a whirlwind three weeks of emails, phone calls, an interview, looking at housing, freaking about cost of living, etc…I was offered the job!
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Instead of being over the moon excited like I was during the interview process, my stomach dropped & I shut down — both physically and mentally. Holy sh!t.
This is REAL life.
This is a next step.
This is not only real life, but it’s MY life.
CRAP.
I cried. I put up my guard. I didn’t know how to battle the doubts. When it was a completely hypothetical job, I could absolutely see myself taking a new city by storm. I’m friendly and personable (most of the time), sooooo, how hard could it be?
I CAN DO THIS.
As soon as it became tangible, I had a growing and gnawing sense of self-doubt. My confidence was rocked and all I wanted to do after I got off the phone was cry. I didn’t celebrate this great achievement, instead, I just sank into a puddle.
Real talk, I am terrified:
To move states.
To fail.
To start a new life.
To be alone.
To change my life.
To make new friends.
To fully adult…like adultier adults do.
& I spent days wallowing in that. I shut completely down — no homework was accomplished, I watched a whole season of America’s Next Top Model and I numbed myself to feeling anything. I was removed — mind and body not quite connecting. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at any places to live because I was so overwhelmed.
Sometimes, our greatest strength is found in the moments when we feel that we are drowning. When someone special offers perspective. When we go outside of our comfort zone. When the people in our lives who care deeply about us acknowledge our feelings as they are, not downplaying the hurt / confused / sad and then building up the joy / love / encouragement.
Two days after I received my offer, Mom called me about a place that she had found for me to contact and see if I could learn more about the renter. She has this knack for knowing right when I am about to crumble and I admitted my feelings of defeat.
**Side note : I am so fortunate to have been blessed with these parents of mine — they’ve been supportive in so many ways and I truly can’t imagine going through this process without their wisdom and love. **
Mom had spent 2 FULL HOURS of her morning doing research and I couldn’t even bring myself to open my computer because I was scared.
UGH, fear is so gripping and so halting.
I was a mess on the phone and minutes after we had ended, she sent me a message that I’ll highlight the snippets of :
- “Consider this, you need to choose the next step…not the entire picture all buttoned up with a bow, just the next adventure.”
- “You also need to remember that for the most part you are alone now and consistently meet people all over the world, all of the time.”
- “I know you want to reach the stars and in order to do so, you must be willing to fly.”
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- SO TRUE! For all of the people out there like me, you know, the planners…take a step back. Little steps make big steps. I constantly had to retrain my brain into acknowledging that my first job wasn’t my end all be all. That I didn’t need to have my whole life planned out before I walk across the stage. That anything that I do will be extraordinary because I choose to make it so. This is the next adventure in a long and wonderful journey.
- Okay Mom, you’re right…like you so frequently are. I can meet new people no biggie.
- GOSH, I hear ya. I want to fly so far, so high, so wide. I have aspirations that reach the sky and I’m willing to take a try at this.
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We ended up booking tickets to Boston for the weekend — I mean, I didn’t want to accept an offer to a city that I’d never been to.
And off to Massachusetts we went. 🙂
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I scrambled like crazy to finish all of my homework, scheduled a tour to visit the office, and made a couple of appointments to view some apartments while we were there.
Friday came and my stomach had little nervous, excited knots the whole morning. I was doing the damn thing. I was in the city, I was meeting the people, I was seeing the place that I could be spending all of my time. That ish is WILD!!
But, I showed up to this beautiful building facing the water, got checked in and was buzzed through to go upstairs to face my prospective future. (wow, don’t you love the drama?)
The office was GORGEOUS. Talk about geeking out the furniture nerd in me!! I met the CEO, talked travel soccer (some things never leave us), saw every possible vignette and place to choose my work for the day, and met a lot of the designers that I would be working alongside of. The office climate was so full of light, both with the people and the sun coming through the windows. I was at peace and totally visualizing myself killing it while there. They even let me see the gym in the building — my heart did another pitter patter…I love gyms. Love gyms.
They gave us some recommendations for seafood, because you better believe Brian was there for the seafood too, and we headed to lunch.
I’m a firm believer that God is working in, out and around, whether we are asking it or not. There is a divine force and energy that is returned when you emit light yourself.
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We went to Legal Seafood (Harborside of course) and ate about 7 different kinds of seafood. We went HARD. And we were pumped about every bit of it, even when we (Dad) was very uncomfy later.
Look at Bri, just totally in his element. We were scarfing a lobster roll in the foreground and splitting scallops in the background. SO MUCH YUM.
The biggest gift of that lunch actually came from our waitress, Brianna. She was kind, helpful, and so informative. As far as how well she did her job in promoting the restaurant and her knowledge of product — absolutely superior, BUT, that wasn’t what struck us. It was her ability to connect to us as people. She was invested in us as people from the moment that she walked up to our table, even asking our names so that she could refer to us by our name.
We explained that I was there to check out the city in the hopes of moving. She provided information about some places to eat, things to do, and where to live. Having that kind of insight so freely given, was such a blessing. She undeniably helped foster my view of the city that day.
It came time to pay the bill, after a hearty dessert of course, and Brianna came by with her email written on a piece of paper attached to a postcard, just in case I had any questions. I could’ve cried on the spot.
We left that lunch with so much more than we had bargained for.
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We spent a great deal of time nursing our food coma and stumbled upon tickets to Piff the Magic Dragon for later that evening. He’s a really quirky, dry humored dragon who does magic with the assistance of his magic dragon chihuahua, Mr. Piffles.
You might’ve seen him on America’s Got Talent :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HybdQUCepFw
It was a fantastic show! He berated the audience, had plenty of long con magic tricks, and his squire, Francis, was a hoot and a half to boot.
All in all, Boston was growing on me.
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We went to a cool, hole in the wall breakfast place (well, it was actually poppin’, but we got to go to the basement bar). Fantastic food — never a shortage when we’re in charge. 🙂
I ended up touring apartments today and even though neither worked out, I ended up making a new friend, so that can be considered a success.
We took the T back into the city so that I could get a grasp on what the commute could be like, walked to the Seaport District and we just HAD to go back to Legal Seafood for dinner. I got to try oysters and really liked them! Just one more fancy dish to add to my repertoire. 😉
We tried to sit in Brianna’s section, but without reservations, that was entirely impossible unless we wanted to sit forever. Before we left, I gave her a big hug. She told me to keep in touch so that she could introduce me to all of her friends when I got settled. UGH. All of the feels.
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I’ve also been fortunate to have some people from my past in my corner, helping to ease the transition. My friend Brian, whom I met here at Eastern, created a group message for myself and his friend, Luka, who is out in Boston. Already, Luka has been an incredible resource for all of my housing questions, transitioning, and for assuring me that I was in good hands. We’ve got a trip planned to the beach and everything! Thank you, B. I appreciate you doing what you can to help me feel comfortable with this transition and in connecting me with those whom you trust.
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Sunday brought an early morning flight back home, homework, and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the time that Dad and I got to spend in Boston.
I was fully affirmed. I sure as hell am capable of this — heck, I already made 2 friends! I am qualified. I am confident. I am ready.
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Here we are, just a few days later and I have accepted this position and this next step. Thanks to all who have encouraged me to grow, to learn, to fly, and to fiercely pursue all that I do.
I am so friggin’ stoked — BEAMING in fact — to take this by the reins and to call Boston my new home.
See you in New England. 🙂
xo, jo